All of us have an identity. It’s what defines us, makes us, expresses who we are. Without identity, we are nothing. I recently thought about who I am and what my identity is. I never really think about myself in an outsider perspective, so when i actually took the time to reflect on it, I realized that i can only identify myself as a Mother. Everything i do revolves around my kids. I don’t have a career to define me outside of motherhood. I don’t have any special hobbies or talents that I’m known for. If you know me personally, then you’ll understand that I am my children.
But the thing is, I am completely and utterly okay with that. I am content being defined strictly and solely as a Mother. I don’t go out and have a good time with friends, I don’t take a minute to myself to work out at a gym, nor do I even go on a date night with my Husband. Everything i do, everything i breathe is for my kids.
I have a lot of Mother friends whom i can say have an identity outside of their children, even the stay at home Moms like me. They have a personal life outside of their children. It seizes to amaze me in so many different levels. I’m not saying I’m more devoted to my children, but how anybody can manage the time or day to even have a personal life outside of Motherhood is beyond me. Maybe it’s different for me though, I don’t have the luxury of getting a babysitter anytime i want. It only happens are extremely rare occasions & when i am blessed with one, I’m to tired to even want to do anything except stay in and sleep.
I sound jealous don’t I. Well that’s not the case, I’m not. I love my life, although it’s extremely unsettling at times. I love my identity. I love that somebody who knows me will look at me and the first thing they would say about me is that I’m a Mother without stating the obvious, because i truly AM a Mother. I live and breathe for my children & that will never change. I cater to everything and anything they need before myself. I suffer endless nights, skipping showers, forgetting to eat meals, because I’m to busy making sure those needs are met with them first. I may be exhausted, frazzled, not so pretty in the mirror, but it’s all worth it in the end.
My identity is my children & I wouldn’t have it any other way.
[ED/IT] - I guess you could say i’m starting a new identity for myself now. Since i’m rebirthing myself in the blogging community. Maybe i’ll become famous. Who knows? ;)
I’m on this new journey. A journey that requires me to self reflect, look back at the past, & to relive some of the most painful experiences and situations in my life. This is a tough journey, but I am determined to reach the end, because at the end there is happiness, hope, a better me. Some have been on this journey & accomplished their goal. For me, I have walked the path but veered off several times. This time I will make it. Not only for me but for my children. So here’s to my new journey.
It’s been a long time. A very long time. But I’m back, back into blogging. I always find myself doing it for a short period of time and then falling off. But this time around, I truly believe i have found my niche. I always felt as if i had to “censor" myself on the web. To show a little class, refraining from a lot of things i truly wanted to say. But I’ve decided to recreate my blogging style. To keep it raw, blunt, & extremely honest. To blog about what I want. So let’s see where this leads…